Pride or is it Fear?

I have been thinking for a while now why is it that I don't let people see who I really am. Now let me first say that I have been blessed with some of the greatest friends in the world and I don't mean that like middle school or high school girls say that everyone is there best friend, I mean that I would take a bullet for them and I feel confident that they would for me. With friends like these you would think that they would know everything about me, but why is it that they don't? Is it pride that I do not let people know the whole me and the things in life that I struggle with. The constant struggle that I have with the same sins that keep committing.


I feel that to some extant it is pride that stops me, I feel whether it is true or not that I need to show that I am ok and that I am not going through some serous and difficult struggles even though this is not true by any means. However for the most part I feel that it is fear that stops me from letting people know what is going on in my life. Fear that they will not accept me for who I am, or that they might feel that I have been lying to them since I was not providing them with what is going on with me, and just saying it is ok. I also seem to fear that if my struggles get out that my life will be changed in very dramatic ways, and that scares me since I do not like change.

I guess the next question I should be asking my self is why do I have these fears. It does not seem to me that others do even though I am sure that there are those out there that do. I feel however that in my circle of friends that I am the only one that struggles in this particular way. For example people have been getting on my case about not updating my blog often enough I feel that this problem come back to the fear I have of sharing my self. It is so hard for me to even write this that it has taken me almost a month to write it and even longer for me to decide to post it.

The last question I need to ask and perhaps it should be the first is what does the bible say about this, and how can I use the scriptures to help me get through this problem. One verse I have found that has given me some guidance is Galatians 6:1-5 and it reads as follows.

Galatians 6

Doing Good to All

1Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, 5for each one should carry his own load.

When I read through this I find that it confuses me. Which is weird since I usually find that the bible does not confuse me. To clarify this I mean that reading the bible tends to give me more question than answers but I always seem to be able to figure out what I need to get out a particular passage, but with this one it eludes me. Maybe this is because this is such a major struggle for me.

I would like to close with this. I do not know the answers to these question. I don't know that if I were to change assuming that I need to change that it would help or hinder my friendships, I only know that it something I need to figure out and with as much as it bugs me I thought that it might help others if they are going through this to that they are not alone. I would also like to thank you for reading this since I know that I am a horrible writer and this is probably painfully on organized and well thought out, not to mention that the grammar is probably really bad.