Thoughts of a Sinful Man

Friends & God

2009-01-03T00:23:00.003-05:00

This week I was amazed by God which unfortunately has not been happening a lot lately. Which is most likely my fault for not spending the time with him that I need to. Anyway back to how I was amazed by God this week, I have been a huge slump for months just feeling good about anything I do or where my life was headed. I have been working two jobs and still not been able to go out and have fun with my friends or spend as much time doing Young Life which is are the things I enjoy more than anything esle. It was getting really bad this week and just felt alone and useless. When my friend Randy sent me a link to a Macbook that was on sale at MicroCenter because he knew that I really needed and wanted a new laptop. I looked at it and it was an amazing deal that I might be able to take advantage of in a couple of weeks but the sale was ending and the stock was low. This just kind of pushed me even lower, I was thinking "Why am I working so darn hard, not sleeping, not having a social life, and not doing enough with Young Life. If I can't even afford something for my self. I gave up at trip to Miami to work and pay bills it was so annoying." Well I am thinking all this and heading to work which is what I seem to be doing all the time when I get an email from my friend Brian telling me that Randy Morgan and him had gone in and bought me the laptop so I would not miss out on the deal and have me pay them back later. It was amazing I could not believe that my friends and brother would do that for me. Then I thought I really should not be amazed by this they all know and love God and me. It was an amazing feeling and I have been on a high sense. I would just like to take this opportunity to thank God for giving the most amazing friends and that he is with them.

Young Life Is...

2008-10-29T04:29:00.002-04:00

Well it has been way to long since I have posted and I am going to try and get back in to. Not so much for the people who read it if there are any left but, more for me I seem to think through my thoughts better if I am going to put them out there for all to see. Anyway last night we had our annual WCC Young Life banquette and it was great as it usually is. Now me and my friend Randy mostly Randy I just helped him from time to time with the filming, we made a video to show what Young Life is in the West Central Cincinnati area and it really impacted me and I thought I would share it.

Young Life is... from C. Randall Waters on Vimeo.

The Hesitant Warrior

2008-04-07T04:25:00.003-04:00

As many of you know I like to attend an online church and by attend I mean I like to watch there sermon videos online. I am not really sure why but they all ways talk to me, and hit me with something that I know I need to deal with and/or that I am struggling with. I usually check it about once every two to three weeks and see what is going on and man the new series they are doing is just really hitting me hard right now.

The series that they are doing is called "The Warrior" and it is manly about making sure that men are who they are supposed to be and, that is men. It is funny because I have been hit with this from all sorts of angels lately. A couple of weeks ago I saw a really funny video off of David Crowder's Blog that was really funny but I felt that even thow this pastor went to an extreme that he made some good points. Now I found that my guys at lifechurch.tv are doing a five week study and being a warrior for Christ and the first two have been trying to help guys fill the roles they are meant to play in this world.

Now that I have this big intro done lets get to why I titled this post "The Hesitant Warrior". While working tonight I watched the first and second weeks of this series and man did the second one speak to me or should I say God used the second one to speak to me. This weeks was all about how guys do not like to fail and that when they do they internalize it and stays with them to the point that from now on they become more and more hesitant to act.

This is huge for me I have never really tired and failed a lot of things but the fear of failure keeps me from tiring things. The sermon talks that as Christian Men when we fail or fear it is because our fear out ways our faith in God. Craig(the pastor of LifeChurch.tv) used the story of Peter walking on water and how when he started to doubt he started to sink. Now I have used this before in many a club talk or campaigners but for some reason the idea that it was a lack of faith in God not in my abilities to walk on water really stood out to me more so than any other time.

The Main theme of the series is that God made man to be a warrior and that we need to step up and fight for what God wants us to fight for and to hesitate. Hesitating is never a good thing, for example if deer is standing in the road and a car comes if the deer picks a directions and trust that God gave that deer the right way to go it will live but, if it hesitates and moves slightly one way and then the other it will most likely get hit by the car and die. The same is true with us if we hesitate and don't trust God we will fail.

Back to fighting for God what does this mean, it means that we need to be men and that even thow society is tyring to get us to become more unlikely to fight and less competitive it goes against what God designed us as men for. This is why we need to keep score in little league games, if we don't then they guys are just going to find something less productive and most likely more destructive and harmfully to compete at or fight for.

This Might not make a lot of sense so I encourage you to watch these videos they are about a half hour long but really interesting so check them out and let me know what you think. The link is below.

The Warrior Week 1

The Warrior Week 2

One last thing I know that I am not a Good writer and I am sorry to those who find it hard to read my post. Feel free to fix them and email them back to me and I will hopefully get better for you.

Blunt?

2008-04-03T04:15:00.002-04:00

I have always been known for being a blunt person or someone who does not sugar coat things in order to not offed or hurt. How ever that is not fully true I have been tiring to get better at it and I have all ways tried not to be because I do not wish to hurt people I love people.

The reason for this post is that I have been asked to be as blunt and honest as I want or can about something and I just can't decide if I should. With out letting you know what exactly it is lets just say that me being blunt and honest could really make some great changes that need to happen or it could just really hurt people and have no effect on change. I am reminded of the episode of Seinfeld which George is honest as to why he broke up with this girl and she flips out and puts her self in a mental institution. She asked for the truth but she could not handle the truth (please make your movie reference hear) and because he did what she asked he hurt and did not help. I don't wish to hurt unless it will help and in the end not hurt because it will make sense.

If anyone has any thoughts on what they think God would want or what they would please post them so that I can try and figure this out.

Well it is Official. . .

2008-03-10T02:48:00.002-04:00

As of Sunday night the most difficult decision I have ever had to make was made official. I am now in the proses of leaving my Church home of 22 years. I can't believe how hard this has been for me. I had to get in front of the Youth Group and announce it and explain why and boy was it hard. Now usually talking in front of people is no problem with me I love it but this was so close to my heart that I could not barely handle it. I shared a passage with them from the book of Jeremiah:

Jeremiah 29:11-12 (New International Version)

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

We talked about how God has a plan for us and that this is part of the plan and that is not to harm any of us but to make us stronger and more prospers, I am not sure if that comforted them very much but I hope that it did. Here is the letter that I typed up about the reasons for my leaving.

Dear John Wesley,

This is the hardest letter I have ever written. I have spent many days and nights in prayerful thought to seek where God wants me to be in my life. Some of you may know that over the past several months I have been struggling in school, finances, and with personal issues. I have been hurting spiritually and emotionally. I have found myself being stretched beyond my limits and unable to perform any of my commitments, especially the commitments that I have made for the church, in way that is both excellent and that glorifies God. I have been forced to make a decision to honor God in way that will be best for myself, for John Wesley, and the Youth Program there.

John Wesley has been my church home for my entire life and many of my fondest memories and experiences have come from this church. You have done nothing but show Christ’s love to me in the way he has commanded us to. Out of respect to you and to God I have decided to resign from my position as Middle School Youth Pastor. My resignation is effective March 30^th.

This decision should in no way represent how I feel about the body of Christ at John Wesley. I believe that God is moving me on to the next phase of my life, which I guess would be called adult hood. The responsibilities I have both academically and financially will not allow me to continue here in the manner that I currently do.

I cannot express enough that this has nothing to do with the Youth at John Wesley. I could not be more proud of who they are and who they are becoming in Christ. They are the reason this has been the hardest decision I have ever made, which has caused me to loose sleep on several nights and to stress and worry about this for many months. I have obtained a new job that is full time, which will limit my ability to serve here at John Wesley. However it will be able to help me with the personal and financial struggles I have been having.

I want to encourage this body of Christ to continue on in the love which you have blessed me with. To my students, I pray that you continue to seek God daily, striving to find his purpose in your lives. To the adults, I pray that you will continue to sheppard the students here, and grow in this body of believers. I ask that you also pray for me as I move into this next phase of life, as I will continue to pray for you. I send you all my love and regards.

Love,

Michael M. Berry

I would like to encourage people to get in to contact with me if they have any questions about this or if they need to say something to me even they think it might be mean I want you to get it off your chest towards me because it will be healthy for you to do so.

Deep Thoughts

2008-02-24T21:03:00.003-05:00

This is going to be a short one today guys just a real quick throw back to a time that many of you might not remember and, that is a time when Saturday Night Live was good. Back when they had things such as Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy. Tonight I was hanging out with some guys from the JW youth group and we were looking them up on you tube and Google and we found a web site that had a ton of them and that also had some code for a way to have them scroll some on my blog, so we copied it over and are going to see how it goes. By the way we could not find my favorite one that SNL did one time and it has to do with a kid getting splashed by a car if any one can find it let me know.

The Greatest Commandment

2008-02-14T22:43:00.004-05:00

The Greatest Commandment

34Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. 35One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question:

36"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" 37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'^[a] 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'^[b] 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

I am betting that most of you that read this blog have herd this before but, I have just finished reading well listening to since I have the audio book and pretty much dislike reading a lot. Anyway I am not sure what I thought about this book over all but one part stood out to me and really challenged me and I thought that I would share that with you. That is wear The Greatest Commandment came into the picture the gentleman who wrote the book took an interesting look at it. He felt that he could not obey the second part of the commandment because he did not love him self. If he would treat people or talk to people the way that he talks to him self then he would be most likely have no one who would ever talk to him or be around him. This led him to figure out that he loved his neighbor better than him self a lot better. This really challenged me because I feel as if I can relate to this in a lot of ways.

Let’s just assume for the purpose of this post that I have no problem loving God with all my heart and with all mind and with all my soul which I do struggle with quite a bit but lets just say I have that down. I do not love my self very well at all especially right now I have not been loving my self for along time now. I put my self down all the time and I more often then not do not feel as if I should love my self or that others should waste love on me. I all ways feel that it would be selfish for me to have people waste effort and love on me when there are plenty of others who either deserver it more or need it more than I do.

Now it is important to understand that the problem I have is not with a lack of confidence I have but in an in ability to receive or accept love. I know that I am capable of many things and I know my strong points and the points that I need to work on. Now if I can not seem to receive love from others how one could assume that part of the problem I was talking about in my last post could be caused by this one. It can also be assumed that since I can not receive love from my self or others have I really received God's love into my heart or has my relationship with him been purely a mental thing and not a thing of the heart. From this one could make the jump that if I have not received God's love in my heart (even though I believe with out a doubt that God sent his only son Jesus down to earth to die for my sins) how is that I can share God's love with others. I am not sure but I see God working through me almost everyday in the lives of people around me.

I also can't help but think especially since I for some reason decided to write this on Valentines Day that my inability to love my self or receive love could be why I have not dated any one for real in my life time. I did however "Go out with" a girl in the 8th grade but that was not truly a dating relationship. Could it be that I do not allow my self to get to a place wear I can have feeling for some one and or receive feelings from some one else. Again sorry for the randomness and my inability to write well for you but these truly are the thoughts of a sinful man as they come spewing out of my head.

Love?

2008-02-08T12:22:00.000-05:00

So I sometimes wonder how can I love God and know that God loves me when I don't think I have a clue what it is to love another person. I don't really think that I have ever loved some one I am meaning truly love them. I care deeply for my friends and family I want only the best for them and if there is pain or suffering in there lives I would do anything in my power to take it way, but is that love? I have know Idea I want to love I long for nothing more than I long to be in love with some one and spend the rest of my life with them. It worries me that at the age of 23 I have no idea how to love or care about some one in that way and that I don't think that I ever had even an inkling of what it is to feel that way or even how to work at it. I really feel that hinders my ability to do ministry sometimes how can I love Oak Hills and the kids if I am not sure what it is to love, don't get me wrong I know that Christ died for me, and that because of this I get to go to heaven. I feel that this is the most important information to share with high school kids but I always feel that it is a logical decision that I have made because it just makes some much sense to me but not a very emotional decision of love. I hate that because I don't know much about love or how it feels that when my friends and family are going through things with people they love or loved that I can not help them or give them advice and trust me on this some of them have been really going through some stuff that I just can't help them with. I also feel that now that I have waited so long to get in the game of love that I am so far behind that I won't be able to catch up with the knowledge everyone else seems to have. I would like to apologies for the incoherent rant that you just read another thing that I struggle with is getting my thoughts out of my head and to sound good in words. I just can't do it.

It's Been awhile.

2007-12-10T11:17:00.000-05:00

Hello to all who have been reading my blog I know that it has been awhile (which is a line form a great song if any one can name it I would give you props) since I have updated my blog. I am sorry for that, this blog has me sharing things that are very deep and personal and if you know me at all this is something that I do not do. It has been very difficult but enjoyable for me to do this since it has forced me to look at several issues in my life. Lately have been in a very big and deep slump and as such have not felt like doing anything let alone posting on a blog but, I am starting to come out of it now and there will be more post to come.

Pride or is it Fear?

2007-10-27T20:53:00.000-04:00

I have been thinking for a while now why is it that I don't let people see who I really am. Now let me first say that I have been blessed with some of the greatest friends in the world and I don't mean that like middle school or high school girls say that everyone is there best friend, I mean that I would take a bullet for them and I feel confident that they would for me. With friends like these you would think that they would know everything about me, but why is it that they don't? Is it pride that I do not let people know the whole me and the things in life that I struggle with. The constant struggle that I have with the same sins that keep committing.

I feel that to some extant it is pride that stops me, I feel whether it is true or not that I need to show that I am ok and that I am not going through some serous and difficult struggles even though this is not true by any means. However for the most part I feel that it is fear that stops me from letting people know what is going on in my life. Fear that they will not accept me for who I am, or that they might feel that I have been lying to them since I was not providing them with what is going on with me, and just saying it is ok. I also seem to fear that if my struggles get out that my life will be changed in very dramatic ways, and that scares me since I do not like change.

I guess the next question I should be asking my self is why do I have these fears. It does not seem to me that others do even though I am sure that there are those out there that do. I feel however that in my circle of friends that I am the only one that struggles in this particular way. For example people have been getting on my case about not updating my blog often enough I feel that this problem come back to the fear I have of sharing my self. It is so hard for me to even write this that it has taken me almost a month to write it and even longer for me to decide to post it.

The last question I need to ask and perhaps it should be the first is what does the bible say about this, and how can I use the scriptures to help me get through this problem. One verse I have found that has given me some guidance is Galatians 6:1-5 and it reads as follows.

Galatians 6

Doing Good to All

1Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, 5for each one should carry his own load.

When I read through this I find that it confuses me. Which is weird since I usually find that the bible does not confuse me. To clarify this I mean that reading the bible tends to give me more question than answers but I always seem to be able to figure out what I need to get out a particular passage, but with this one it eludes me. Maybe this is because this is such a major struggle for me.

I would like to close with this. I do not know the answers to these question. I don't know that if I were to change assuming that I need to change that it would help or hinder my friendships, I only know that it something I need to figure out and with as much as it bugs me I thought that it might help others if they are going through this to that they are not alone. I would also like to thank you for reading this since I know that I am a horrible writer and this is probably painfully on organized and well thought out, not to mention that the grammar is probably really bad.

National Porn Sunday!!

2007-10-09T18:14:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone I have just started attending a new church. What don't I work at one some of you may be asking well I am not leaving John Wesley I am just trying out a new form of church that will help me to be fed. I find it hard to be fed at John Wesley not because of the church or who preaches or on what (just to hopefully stop any emails I would get), It is just hard for me to be fed and grow in the same place that I pour out my life. The new church I am attending is actually a church that is only online, at life church.

This Sunday the Church discussed a topic of which I have found more and more important over the past few years as I have met many people that have been struggling with this issue. The issue of which I speak is being addicted to pornography. The stats here our just mind boggling. Here are some I pulled off of the xxxchurch website. After you read these or as you read these please watch the video at the bottom of this post, I found it to be very powerful and that it can related to any struggles you have in life.

Get The Facts

One of the problems with porn is it makes you feel that you are all alone. The reality is that you are not. Check out the stats below and see how many people are involved in the world of porn.

Pornography Industry Statistics
	Size of the Industry	$57.0 billion world-wide - $12.0 billion US
	Adult Videos	$20.0 billion
	Escort Services	$11.0 billion
	Magazines	$7.5 billion
	Sex Clubs	$5.0 billion
	Phone Sex	$4.5 billion
	Cable & Pay Per View	$2.5 billion
	Internet	$2.5 billion
	CD-ROM	$1.5 billion
	Novelties	$1.0 billion
	Other	$1.5 billion

Porn revenue is larger than all combined revenues of all professional football, baseball, and basketball franchises.

US porn revenue exceeds the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, & NBC (6.2 billion).

Child pornography generates $3 billion annually.

Internet Porn Statistics
	Pornographic Website's	4.2 million (12% of total website's)
	Pornographic Pages	372 million
	Daily Pornographic Search Engine Requests	68 million (25% of total search engine requests)
	Daily Pornographics Emails	2.5 billion (8% of total emails)
	Avg. Daily Pornographic Emails/User	4.5 per internet user
	Monthly Pornographic downloads (Peer-to-peer)	1.5 billion (35% of all downloads)
	Daily Gnutella "child pornography" requests	116 thousand
	Website's offering illegal child pornography	100 thousand
	Sexual solicitations of youth made in chat rooms	89%
	Youths who received sexual solicitation	20%
	Worldwide visitors to pornographic web sites	72 million annually



Children's Exposure to Pornography
	Average age of first Internet exposure to pornography	11 years old
	Largest Consumer of Internet Pornography	12-17 age group
	15-17 year olds having multiple hardcore exposures	80%
	8-16 year olds having viewed porn online	90% (most while doing homework)
	7-17 year olds who would freely give out home address	29%
	7-17 year olds who would freely give out email addresses	14%
	Children's characters linked to thousands of porn links	26 (including Pokeman and Action Man)



Adult Internet Porn Statistics
	Men admitting to accessing porn at work	20%
	US adults who regularly visit internet porn sites	40 million
	Promise Keepers men who viewed porn in the last week	53%
	Christians who say porn is a major problem in the home	47%
	Adults admitting to internet sexual addiction	10%
	Breakdown of male/female visitors to porn sites	72% male - 28% female



Women & Pornography
	13% of Women admit to accessing porn at work.
	70% of women keep their cyber activities secret.
	17% of all women struggle with pornography addiction.
	Women, far more than men, are likely to act out their behaviors in real life, such as having multiple partners, casual sex, or affairs.
	Women favor chat rooms 2X's more than men.
	1 out of 3 visitors to adult website's are women.
	9.4 million women access adult website's each month.

More to come

2007-10-08T14:33:00.000-04:00

Hey guys I am not sure how many people actually read this however there is more to come. I am working on a few really big post that concern some major issues that I deal with so it take me a little while to work out what to write. If you know me at all you know that writing is not my strong point, so it take me a while to work out how to say things. Any way people there is more to come by the end of the week.

TV!!!!

2007-09-23T21:40:00.000-04:00

Well it is that time of year again premier week for all the major networks. For those of you who don't know what that is this is the week when all the networks broadcast all there new shows and bring back the old one so we can continue with there story lines.

I love T.V. it is the best way that I have found for me to relax and let the troubles of the world go away for a little while even if it is only for an hour or two. I have over the last two years really become a fan of watching the pilot episodes of new shows and trying to figure out how long they will last. How ever I will say that this year I am especially pumped about a couple of shows this year, the first one is CSI: Las Vegas, and the second is The Unit.

I hear from a lot of people that my passion for T.V. is bad or even unhealthy. I would have to disagree with these people because I don't think they really understand how I watch T.V. or how it affects my life. I watch T.V. in order to relax and most of the time it is just on in the back round while I do other things like school work or stuff of the Church. If I let T.V. control my life meaning that I would not do things or go places in order to watch it, T.V. come second to getting the things I need to do done.

In conclusion I guess all I am saying is that I think that Maybe I should go to God for relaxation and comfort from my troubles but I also feel that he gives all different passions and ways to relax in the world. For some it would be reading or listing to music or maybe making muffins but, for me it is Television.

Discipline

2007-09-14T15:06:00.001-04:00

I have decided that the biggest problem that I have in life is a lack of discipline. Any of the big issue I have in life can traced back to the fact that I have a lack of discipline. A lack of Discipline is why I can not play the guitar I have never had the discipline to practice. I have lots of money troubles because I am not disciplined enough to follow a budget or say no I can't go out to eat. A good example of this is hapening right now as I write this I have purchased a laptop bag off of the Mozilla store website, I have no idea what made me think I should I have no money it is a lack of discipline. My lack of Discipline goes deeper than not being able to learn an instrument or stick to a budget it goes as deep as my relationship with Christ. Lately my growing in my relationship with Christ has slowed almost to a halt why NO Discipline. I lack the discipline to spend the time with him that I need to in order to grow in him. I feel that this problem is not mine alone I feel that it is one of the biggest reasons for the slow deteriorating of our society.

Money

2007-07-05T00:06:00.001-04:00

Why is that I am so bad with money and that I can't just trust God to provide for me like he is supposed to. Why do I ether worry about having enough of it constantly, or spend it on stupid things leaving my self unable to pay all my bills. Its funny how I can justify the purchase of any peace of electrical equipment with out any hesitation but tithing to church or any other organization is hard for me to. I mean they are doing God's work but I can't seam to ever have money to give them but, a new cell phone no problem I will find a way. Maybe this goes to a deapper lack of trust in God to what he says he is going to do.